I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
One day in Kolkata last summer, it rained. No, I wasn't in the city that day. I was 1,303 kilometers away in the Andaman Islands sitting out a storm, alone at home.The storm blew part of our roof away and drenched our television set and my Mom's laundry. Nothing too dramatic.
I have always wondered- that day when it rained in Kolkata, why wasn't the day just as uneventful.
What lead to the events is irrelevant in the light of what happened. Zorro, my favorite, stout, lion-like lazy, smashing stud of a bull mastiff drowned in the pond in the backyard of my cousins' place during West Bengal's worst cyclone, Aila. If only it had been the television.
My cousins' place in Kolkata is mad dog house, literally! 17 dogs the last time I counted. Hounds, Mastiffs, Pugs, Great Danes- they are all there. So, when I came back after my holidays, I had decided to stay away from these adorable sweethearts lest I have to go through the trauma of seeing a favorite become dear to the Almighty all over again.
Snow wasn't making it any easy. Super spoiled, courtesy the fact that it stayed inside the house (just like Zorro..I should have known), Snow was petted and pampered by everyone-from the Class 9 kid to the rosary telling members of the family.
I'll skip the mushy stuff including how I rescued him on a rainy day from under a bush where his collar got stuck (yeah yeah..we rolled in the mud) or when I was morose on another rainy day, sitting on the window sill and Snow patiently heard me rambling throughout the afternoon, appearing to be nodding and frowning at all the appropriate places.
I also remember that last rainy morning. It was 4am and I was leaving for my aunt's place. From there I would be leaving for Hyderabad, my home from this summer on. Snow was sitting on top of one of my bags and getting his fur all the over place. And of course, barking himself crazy. The last thing I recollect telling him was- "SNOOOOOOOOOOW!! YOU"LL WAKE THE HOUSE UP..KEEP IT DOWN!!!"
No " I'll miss you these two months that I'll be gone", no " Be a good dog", no " You are the cutest, most adorable darling I've known". Nothing.
Fast forward to a month later. Another rainy morning, this time in Hyderabad. My cousin bro calls up and specifically asks for me. And then just like that, it happened yet again.
Snow died of a some unknown disease-one of the millions that plague this planet and no one could do a thing about it.
Today, it rained yet again. I was sitting on my bed, starting at the grounds that I can see from my window. I was missing someone. And then all of this came back and it struck me--that someone is Snow. And Zorro. They were like the sun that warmed and brightened a dark day for me. They did not judge me, they did not stomp off and leave me in a lurch, they did not tell me that I was in the wrong when I was bawling my lungs out, and those brown eyes were full of something soothing and comforting.
I realized something in black and white today. As they say, Life never plays fair and that we may never get a chance to say the goodbye we wanted to give to someone and then there will be a time when only one of us lives to regret that.
Snow and Zorro - you were both amazing dogs, a credit to your kind. Though there will be others, there certainly won't be any like the two of you for me. I hope you both are making someone's day, like you always made mine.
Rest In Peace.
Amen.
PS: I still miss you.
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| Snow |
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| Baby Zorro |
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